Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
