Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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