God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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