I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
