he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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