You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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