Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
two words: eviction party
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
