Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
