...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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