I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
