you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize