YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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