Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Can Purell be used as lube?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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