I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
