All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize