It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
