This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
