Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
