i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
