I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
