I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
