People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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