Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
