Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
