she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
