He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize