Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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