cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
honey bunches of taint.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
