And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
