Your face is a jimmy john
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
