before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
