STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
