You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
