i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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