Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
