he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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