I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
