Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
