My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
