worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just blew my weed a kiss
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
