You're my little dorito
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
me + whiskey = a bad person
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
