My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
