I want to stick my p in your. b.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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