Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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