Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
