So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
