I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
