U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
