What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
