and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
