do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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