You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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