Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
