he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
