Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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