I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Randomize
