i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
