If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
