I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
