So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just cut my nipple shaving
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
