His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
