There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize