Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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