I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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