i wish starbucks made bloody marys
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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