wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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