omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
