a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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