I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
