A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
