There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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