You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize
