K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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