she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
