here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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