i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
