Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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