He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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