Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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