Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
