if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I wish you could order shots online.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
