why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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