Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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