With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
