please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You are a genius and a whore.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize