i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We need to rekindle our bromance
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
