He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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