Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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